This was bound to happen, after doing the Top 10 Best Godzilla Enemies, I had to follow it up a top 10 worst list. These are the kaiju I consider the worst from the franchise and that don’t quite work for me as villains or at the very least kaiju’s in general. Keep in mind this list is entirely subjective, if you disagree pleae let me know who your worst Godzilla enemies are in the comments. The rules are simple, if Godzilla has fought them, they make the list, with that said let’s get into the list.
Ok this one might seem a little bit odd considering I had Zilla as my number 10 favourite Godzilla enemy last list, but this time he’s not going to be judged on his merits, he’s getting judged based on his screw ups. First off the stain that Zilla left on the franchise, no matter how much they try to redeem him or kill him to make up for it, will always remain for many. Zilla was meant to serve as the new incarnation of the King of the Monsters, and instead was so poorly received that the God from his name was removed, ouch. Zilla’s design is fine for me, I actually like it, but points against him are the fact that he’s perhaps one of the most brittle kaiju ever, getting killed by a few missiles is not the way the king is supposed to go. Not to mention Zilla also served as a foe in Godzilla: Final Wars, only to lose within the first 20 seconds of his arrival, I know this was meant to serve as retaliation from Japan against America, it was a pretty abysmal display on the part of Zilla. But he’s at 10 because, to his credit, I do still like Zilla and felt there’s just enough negatives to balance out his positives, so he’ll take his place with the worst and best, satisfying everyone.
9. Monster X / Kaiser Ghidorah
The final new Godzilla villain for 10 years, followed up by 2014’s MUTO, and to me this feels like a mighty underwhelming final boss. While Monster X looks really cool, he’s nothing of real merit without the existence of his final form Kaiser Ghidorah. While these two do look cool and have perhaps one of the coolest kaiju deaths to date, they just seem like a pointless villain, why didn’t they just use the normal King Ghidorah? That would have been a much better final fight since the rivalry between Ghidorah and Godzilla, and while I get why they made it a different monster/retrain of an iconic monster, it was for some level of marquee value. But if they wanted more marquee value they could have just put the original iconic three-headed dragon in. However, both monsters do look cool and display some amazing abilities and fighting, so they do come out more positive, however I feel like their existence is a wasted opportunity for finishing the Godzilla franchise back in 2004 when it was set to end.
8. Heisei Mechagodzilla
Showa Mechagodzilla made it on the top 10 best, so his retrain makes it to the top 10 worst. The main reason this guy makes the list is because it looks goofy as you can get. The nose is too rounded and large and the overall design is pretty circular and just looks quite globulous bordering on fat. The suit has really tiny arms that make it look really clumsy and it just doesn’t look like it has that much fire power and just looks too sleek for a robot meant to represent the rough and monstrous Godzilla. Not to mention, when this thing dies, it gets rebuilt as MOGUERA, which is like the worst downgrade ever, the only reason MOGUERA didn’t make the list is he actually does aid in the death of Spacegodzilla. To its credit the Super Mechagodzilla mode is cool, it makes Mechagodzilla look like a robotic Blastoise so there are bonus points there. Not to mention this mech ushered in the existence of the Red Spiral Ray, so it gets that distinction and for the most part it poses a threat to Godzilla, who has to be saved by Rodan, something you very rarely see in a Godzilla movie. Many people do say this Mechagodzilla is perhaps the lesser of its incarnations, and I do tend to agree, but I am willing to admit that this mechanical kaiju did have some cool moments.
The last new monster from the Showa era, and he has gone down in history as one of the lesser entries in the Godzilla Franchise. I personally think Titanosaurus is a fine-looking monster, I like the catfish aesthetic and making it a more aquatic version of Godzilla, but why is he so weak? All Titanosaurus can do is flap its tail to create gale force winds, which is cool but has been done by Mothra, King Ghidorah and Rodan all before. Why not give Titanosaurus a hydro cannon breath or something if they wanted an aquatic Godzilla vibe? Not to mention Titanosaurus has perhaps the most annoying cackle of a cry I’ve ever heard, it sounds like a cat gargling gravel while sat on a spin-drier (strange analogy but ok). Do I think Titanosaurus gets a bit too much flack? Yes I do, he’s now awful and his design is fine to the time of its release, but as a villain, I feel they could have been a bit more creative with it.
The second new monster from the Millennium series, Megaguirus falls short on a few fronts. Her origin is a repeat of at least 4 other monsters before it, being created from Godzilla’s DNA. We already saw this with Biollante, SpaceGodzilla, Destoroyah and Orga, so the originality is lost. Megaguirus is also somewhat lacking in terms of abilities, her two main powers being a fireball and flying really fast. A speedy Kaiju is something unique but when you balance that out with being about as frail as Zilla, getting killed in one hit by Godzilla’s Atomic Breath. The previous kaiju Orga, managed to tank those attacks so why can’t its successor? I do like that fact that Megaguirus is an evolved form of the Meganulon from Rodan (1956), I think that’s a nice touch and a fun callback. Megaguirus also gets style points for having a pretty interesting and cool design and also showcases a certain degree of personality that hints at a very sadistic undertone, but aside from looking pretty, this kaiju ain’t too much.
Oh Baragon, you really are a useless little dog reptile monster. Baragon has appeared in a grand total of 2 Godzilla movies and is perhaps one of the most underwhelming of the bunch. Baragon has no powers worth mentioning, the only powers he showcases are seen in his debut film Frankenstein Conquers the World, a tiny flame beam that doesn’t even damage its target. Baragon is so lame that in GMK, where Baragon is a guardian monster and is of great importance to stopping this new Godzilla, not only does he not get a mention in the already long-winded title, but he gets fried (literally) by Godzilla near instantly. I also want to add that Baragon does not look menacing or scary in both is incarnations, he just looks like a sweet little puppy trying to be scary. I don’t want to run in terror from Baragon when I see it, I just want to lounge with it on the sofa. Baragon is just a boring beast with about as much menace as a bag of beans and is as equally bland and uninteresting.
4. The Giant Condor
This is what became of Rodan? Seriously? Yeah no joke the Giant Condor is a repurposed Rodan puppet from Ghidorah the 3 Headed Monster and Invasion of Astro Monster. There is no greater humiliation than once being one of the great Toho kaiju only to be used as the body of one of the worst Godzilla foes. The Giant Condor is a completely pointless and frankly frustrating kaiju. It just shows up, gives us a seizure inducing fight with so much shakey cam and close-ups it would make Michael Bay blush only to get cremated by Godzilla and fall into the ocean. The Giant Condor is a pointless monster and holds the distinction of having the worst fight in Godzilla history, truly this thing is a terrible foe, I feel so sorry for Rodan that this is what became of him.
This guy was practically gift wrapped to be on this kind of list. When I first heard of Godzilla’s Revenge and saw Gabara the first words to exit my mouth were “Oh no…This is where we are now…”. The Godzilla series began to gear itself more towards children as the Showa Era continued, and Gabara is perhaps the peak of this shift. First off I want to stress how awful Gabara actually looks, it is easily one of the ugliest looking designs of all the Godzilla kaiju. Also Gabara has a terrible ability, while his electrical touch is unique, it really is impractical when you think about it. Not to mention Gabara is just a bully, he specifically bullies Minya and has no vindictive intentions other than to be a mild annoyance. His fight is also a slapstick mess, meant to reflect the real life situations the kid from the movie is going through. Oh! There’s another thing, Gabara isn’t even real, he’s a figment of some kids imagination and is meant to represent both his bullies and the thugs that kidnapped him, so Gabara is so lame he doesn’t even exist.
Here he is ladies and gentlemen, the very bane of many people’s existence in the Godzilla franchise, Minya. Before people say Godzilla didn’t fight him, he clubbed the kid with his tail so it counts. What can be said about Minya that hasn’t been said a thousand times before? I don’t believe I can add any more to this sea of hate for Minya, but I’ll try my best to cover his worst properties. First things first, this is one ugly looking baby, I wouldn’t mind so much if he looked like his dad, not some unholy union between Morph and Barney the Dinosaur. Minya is also incompetent on so many fronts, he’s cowardly, he’s annoying and he just doesn’t do anything right without coaxing from his father. Minya is just a complete dullard and is frankly an embarrassment for the King of the Monsters. But why isn’t such a travesty number 1? Well he does have 1 heartwarming scene in which he and Godzilla share a tender caring moment that is still pretty heartfelt and a nice touch in an otherwise mediocre movie. So Minya made it to the list, no surprise there, but who made it to number 1 in his place?
Say hello to the worst of the worst ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Ebirah. So what is it about Ebirah that makes his the worst, well it’s a few things. One is his name, which literally translates to Shrimp, so we’re off to a good start. Second is his abilities, or rather lack there of. All Ebirah has is a giant claw that happens to get ripped off with relative ease by Godzilla. Other than said brittle claw, Ebirah has no additional abilities. Another point against him is that while Zilla may have gotten one shot by Godzilla in Final Wars, Ebirah got defeated by humans with guns, how did an armored lobster monster lose to humans while a flimsy lizard lost to Godzilla? But the weirdest and perhaps worst weakness is that (according to the Godzilla wiki site) his weakness is Saffron… This could be false, but if it isn’t it will have inserted itself as easily the worst weakness in fictional history and nothing will change my mind. Ebirah is weak, has no defining or unique abilities, has a name that translates to that of a small crustacean and is defeated by mere humans. The only thing I like about Ebirah is that is looks quite delicious, I’m in the mood for some cooked Lobster right about now, and Ebirah is on the menu.
- Hedorah: Hedorah is a kaiju infamous for his bizarre nature and movie. While Hedorah isn’t nearly as iconic as other foes, his design, abilities and the general wacky nature surrounding him makes him a fairly entertaining monster. Also he was created with an anti-pollution message, so he gets bonus points, kinda like a bizzaro monster version of Captain Planet.
- Orga: The first beast Godzilla fought in the Millenium era, Orga is a really lacking in terms of impact as he exists for only a few minutes before being internally basted by Godzilla. However, his design is amazing to me and I love the concept that he’s an alien that was mutated by Godzilla as opposed to a creature created from him. So Orga escapes the list by virtue of looking cool.
- M.U.T.O: The Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism that served as Godzilla’s new rival in the 2014 reboot, and is both cool and somewhat underwhelming. The design is cool and the idea of having a prehistoric beast resurface to face humanity is a cool concept, but I just feel like MUTO was made with very little actual thought or intention of being iconic and served only as a gateway monster for the new series. MUTO isn’t as memorable as other foes, but its concept and design kept it from being placed on the list.
- Haruo Sakaki: A human enemy? Why what degeneracy is this? Well it’s simple, Haruo is on this list by virtue of being a complete stick in the mud. In the anime trilogy, he is a boring protagonist with so many bland and cliché elements that he has about as much investment as a lump of wood. He just broods and swears vengeance on Godzilla and acts righteous and this rinses and repeats for a good chunk of his character. However the fact that he’s a human kept him from being a part of the list simply because he’s no match for Godzilla Earth (at least not now).
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